NOURISH. GROW. NURTURE. THRIVE.
We all have crazy, bad, shitty, unproductive, chaotic, unfocused days once in a while.
Maybe, more often than not with child/ren in toe.
Where you may only chip away at a few tasks on your extensive, unrealistic ‘To Do List’…therefore dragging all your ‘To Dos’ over to tomorrow (yet another ‘To Do’ on your list of ‘To Dos’!) with you and gathering a few more along the way! Why not!?
Sometimes the crazy chaos can even arrive uninvited, throughout your day…from one moment to the next. One blissful moment, feeling warmth and love radiating out of your heart to a crazy…insane…is this really happening moment. Where things feel like they spiral out of control and you have no chance of finding that calm happy place you are so eager to envelop. Yep…not going to happen!
Yes your day, your hour, your minute, your second can change in a heartbeat. Like a thief in the night that has stolen your precious jewels. That moment of love/joy/expansion that you desperately wanted to hang onto…vanishes into thin air.
Where emotions can get the better of you and you lash out, you yell desperately for someone to hear you (as your child/ren are not listening!). To hear your pleas…someone please listen, hear me…see me…notice me…acknowledge me…see all the work I have done, yet it can fall on deaf ears and there is no one out there to hear your plea in your moment of need.
My Sunday began like this. Naturally, at the crack of dawn. It was time to go to swimming lessons…I rushed to get ready and make pancakes for my son (after his request & my toing and froing of ‘should I or shouldn’t I make pancakes’? Naturally I succumbed to the request).
Eventually we got to swimming and my daughter refused to put on her ‘happy nappy’…(seriously who would not be happy wearing a ‘happy’ nappy!?)
We danced too and fro…in and out of the water, trying to get just one foot into the ‘happy nappy’…but to no avail it just was not going to happen today.
I noticed my thoughts going back and forth, like a drama scene. From frustration, to understanding, from control to surrender, from upset to calm, from blame to that’s just life. The loops of thoughts were looping around, making me confused and dizzy. I felt my exhaustion as the mental tug of war continued. My mind was jumping from one side of the fence to the other with no clear solution or way out of the haze.
It was at that moment…I knew I had a CHOICE to stop the chaos in my head and surrender to the madness I felt, knowing that soon ‘it too shall pass’. The only control I really had was within me. What I chose to FOCUS on and how I would ACT (or react) in that moment.
Ok I could have continued down the rabbit hole and looked at it as a complete disaster, been angry, yelled at my child or tried to forcefully get her happy nappy on (I mean swimming lessons aren’t cheap!), taken NO for an answer, felt resentful, then continued the anger and frustration into the change room. Then felt more anger and upset…allowed the wave of guilt to suffocate me and take over, sucking out any kind of joy and making me feel like shit inside and out, taking me on a long guilt trip that could continue for the whole day which would ultimately suck the life out of me and take away any fun/happy moments that were there for the taking. But seriously, that’s my shit!
Yes it is inconvenient to me and yes it’s annoying and things didn’t go to plan BUT what really ever goes to plan A with kids? Most of the time I must surrender to ‘Plan B IT’ for my own sanity and for the welfare of my kids.
BUT I HAD A CHOICE, maybe she was just having a shitty morning…isn’t she entitled to have them? Why am I the only one entitled to a shitty morning?!
We can judge and be so harsh on ourselves, we can push for an outcome from our own agendas BUT maybe all we can really do is let go and surrender to what is. Maybe once you let go of trying to force the outcome you actually feel at peace, and have more mental space, clarity and more room for fun! Don’t we deserve more fun!?
We want our kids to see us, and most certainly hear us after we repeatedly ask them to get dressed, eat their breakfast, brush their teeth, put their shoes on…blah blah blah. We hear ourselves over and over again like a broken record wanting to be heard…and acknowledged, BUT maybe…just maybe…this is not part of THEIR job description. Maybe they won’t ever appreciate the lengths we go to for them (until they are parents themselves!) and maybe they are not wired (or responsible) to hear our pleas! Why should they carry this burden for us?
Maybe they are sent to crack us open, free us from the ‘shoulds’ of life and raise our awareness (in every moment) so we can look within ourselves for the answers and feed ourselves (all by ourselves) the acknowledgment we seek.
How can we expect our kids to be perfect and behave all daylong…when we struggle to do so too (though we probably hide it better than they do)?
Don’t let the crazy chaos define you as a mumme or your child/ren. Instead learn from it, roll with it and maybe you might, just might find those crazy chaotic moments fun and funny after all!
All we really want is to be seen. Maybe the more we see and accept our child/ren, exactly the way they are (the good, the bad, the ugly) without it being a reflection of us, we are then given permission to truly see ourselves. Seeing and accepting all sides of ourselves and letting go of the struggle. Seeing the crazy and the chaos in a different light. One that allows us to connect within, to learn to grow and let go of expectation and the need for our child/ren to fill us up. For we are whole and full already.
As always I would love to hear from you! About your crazy chaotic days & how you find some calm amidst the chaos of being a mumME!
Please comment below and share the love with another mumme!
Love n Light