Nourish. Grow. Nurture. Thrive.
Being a mumme is not a test. Not a standard you need to live up to, nor a measurement you need to strive towards, reach or attain in order to stack up against and compare yourself to another mumme.
It is about TRYING it on (seeing what fits and works for you), trying this, trying that. It is about trying your BEST. When you have exhausted one route (one way, one path, one idea, one solution) you find another, then another until you arrive at your destination (problem solved/progress/one step forward). Just as if you were playing a game of darts, you aim for the bull’s eye; your eyes are focused on the target yet it might take one, two or several attempts to hit the bull’s eye OR you may not even get there in the first game. You might just get as close as you can to your intended target and hope that next time you achieve your outcome. It takes patience, focus, persistence and sometimes luck!
For me this is just like parenting, and sometimes I must admit it feels like I am playing blindfolded! Sure I hope to hit the bull’s eye every time but the probability of this is slim. I focus on what I am trying to achieve (in the moment, day to day or even the bigger picture), and this can take many forms, from solving a problem, (e.g., the quickest approach to get my child to sleep at night OR get out the door in the quickest amount of time (I realized early on dressing my son at bedtime in his daycare outfit ready for the next day ticked one, often challenging task, off my morning list of to dos!) to dealing with emotional outbursts and tantrums, to defiant behaviors, OR how to teach my children values/emotional intelligence/being grateful for what they have and the list goes on!
Some days I hit bull’s eye and I seem to be on a roll, tantrums and upsets are shorter and I have remained calmer and less reactive throughout the day. Even feeling at times like I have been a great example for my kids. But other days it takes a few attempts to feel like I am getting anywhere, my child isn’t responding to my strategies, tools and techniques, emotions are raging and I feel as though I am off track, off center, nothing I try is working and I’m moving further and further away from my intended target (bulls eye = calm mother and calm child)- yep NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TODAY! So I surrender to what is (as hard as it can be sometimes as I fight against my fight and flight triggers) and let my day unfold, try to ride the waves, be grateful for what is and hope that calmer waters are just around the corner.
Then on other days parenting is like a puzzle, trying to piece things together like a detective (e.g., where did your socks go? Yes the ones you just took off/how am I going to get my child to wear winter clothes in winter and get out the door on time without several wardrobe changes and meltdowns? OR how am I going to deal with the aftermath when I say No (to an impossible request) as I need to get to work on time? (OR do I stall my answer until we get out the door and into the car on time before the meltdown occurs?) Or how can I get from Point A to Point B with the least amount of resistance in the shortest timeframe possible?). Again some pieces are easier to solve and some take more time, more patience, more focus and more creativity and concentration (on my behalf).
But most days being a mumme is a juggling act. Trying to stay constant, calm and steady as you try and juggle it all. Work, home, family time, ONE on ONE time, ME TIME, and even just trying to get out the door in the morning ON TIME- juggling bags/kids/shoes/news (And more!)…are just some of the balls we juggle, trying our best to keep everything flowing and in a constant rhythm in order to keep all things working together (and keep all balls up in the air) to gain a sense of balance and sanity in our lives. This can be a constant challenge and often feel like we are on a continuous treadmill…trying hard to keep up with what life as a mumme has in store for us or what might be around the corner. We can feel stretched in all areas of life and wonder how we can maintain the busyness of life for the long haul with children, as we try our best to prioritize and make time for what’s most important to us.
It is certainly a minefield out there in all things kids/parenting/mumme. Trying to feel our way through the chaos and confusion, the overwhelming bombardment of information, the should’s and should not’s in the world of parenting.
I believe it is about finding your own ‘sweet spot’…what works for you, your child/ren and your family. If that means playing musical beds every night to get some sleep then SO BE IT! It does not have to MEAN you have failed sleep school and you’d better book yourself back in. It does not MEAN you are a bad mumme and you have no boundaries or control of your child/ren. It might just mean you want some f@#$%*^ SLEEP! IT JUST IS WHAT IT IS!
It is about LETTING GO of some STUFF (clutter (physical and mental), chores/to dos (by outsourcing), lowing your standards a little (and keeping that which is serving you and your family). It is a about saying NO when it doesn’t feel good and YES when you feel your heart expand. It is about giving yourself a break and leaving the dishes/washing/chores (that will never end!) till after you have made an ESSENTIAL DEPOSIT into your own WELLNESS account (walk, run, gym, time in nature, a healthy meal, meditation, massage, mindful cup of tea, journaling, listening to an inspirational podcast, painting, coloring in and being creative etc.). Whatever it may be it must be a blissful, soul filling, nourishing and an indulgent moment in time JUST FOR YOU!
In the grand scheme of it all, there’s no mumme police out there going to penalize or reprimand you for the choices you make and feel are best for you, your child/ren and your family. EXCEPT possibly YOU…. sometimes we can be our own worst enemy and be so hard on ourselves, judging our own decisions, weighing them up against what others are or aren’t doing. Like a continual ping-pong game, ideas, thoughts and decisions, (what I did do and what I didn’t do…did I do enough?), PING back and forth and drain you of energy and clarity and peace of mind.
Maybe is it time to take a hiatus from this game and give yourself a break. Stand by your decisions and take heart in knowing you are doing the best you can. Stop analyzing and let thoughts flow in and out without attachment or judgment. The less attention and focus you give them the less power they will have. Thus freeing up some much necessary mental space just for you!
So it is time to follow your own rules and possibly break some of the rules that are holding you back (keeping you stuck/rigid) and that are not serving you any longer? Maybe choosing to leave guilt (remorseful awareness of having done something wrong or violating a rule (the free dictionary.com) behind if it is not truly justified.
Be curious about your guilt, it is valid? Could you have done more? Or did you go above and beyond your mumme duties? If the answer is hell yes, then let it go and move on. There are no prizes for torturing yourself unnecessarily like this, no badge of honor to claim. Maybe you just need to look at whether you have any unrealistic standards set up that need to change. If so, lower them a little and give yourself yet another break. We are all trying our VERY best for our child/ren.
Don’t give yourself an unnecessary guilt trip if it is not justified! Do not feel guilty about taking time for yourself….don’t you deserve some time out? Maybe it is time to be kinder to you and give yourself some much needed credit for all that you do.
A mumme has so many roles to play and I certainly feel it is time to embrace our own unique journey, (without judgment and guilt) stepping into your true authentic power to create and navigate your own destiny (your family tree). The legacy you will leave behind one day.
So be KIND to you, run your own race and celebrate your daily wins, big or small. You deserve to be acknowledged for being incredible YOU.
Some food for thought! Now over to you…I’d love to hear about your adventures and what some days are like for you! Do you struggle with guilt? And what have been your biggest challenges and biggest breakthroughs (lessons learnt) since becoming a mumme?
Please share your thoughts, experiences, insights and wisdom so we can learn from each other as we try our best on this crazy mumme ride!
love n life
Nina xo
